NORTHERN DISCOMFORT…

… or how a proposed consumer dialogue ended up in wicked consumer violation and a re-launch went really, really wrong.

Once upon a time, there was an almost forgotten spirit, which decided to stem itself against its complete disintegration with something us ad pro’s call a relaunch. A small group of supposed strategic planning geeks and university trained marketing nerds with no experience in real life at all sat about to redefine a brand that had been around for more than a century and had its heyday long before most involved at present were even born.

They came up with a surprisingly lame and typically blatant marketing approach basing on three presumptions: firstly, everybody needs a friend, so we’ll give our brand a nick name. That should work, make it sympathetic and close! Secondly, we want to sell as much as possible, so let’s say, our product is not for individuals, but best consumed in large groups of friends, claiming the brand to be one that connects people for special moments. Now, here’s a hands-on-bottle approach for ya! And last, but not least, wanting to sell well but also be loved and regarded as cool, it was proposed the brand should be really awesomely energizing, an enabler of legendary nights. Well, hello!

For fun’s sake, let’s call this brand Northern Discomfort, or: NoDis, as it is ‘affectionately’ nick-named by its friends (haha!).

NoDis, perfectly in sync with the Bush administrations imperialistic foreign affairs policies, entered damn old Europe on a mission knowing they had a very stubborn enemy to overcome, the non-American consumer. So, they wisely turned to some local agencies requesting for assistance in translating their beneficial messages for the natives. These were quick to inform the conquerors, that Europe’s modern age adults tended to base their choice of product on sympathy towards a brand and this often meant brands not penetrating potential consumers, but interacting with them and offering them multi-dimensional benefits instead of a mere one-dimensional ‘get pissed on this’ warranty (in the case of alcoholic beverages, that is). The locals also warned of the negative effects of over-branding.

Funnily enough, the NoDis spirit missionaries had already heard of the strategy of consumer involvement and found the term ‘consumer generated contents’ rather funky. So, nuff said and done deal, consumer generated communication it was to be.

They had agreed upon a campaign called Limelight – the intention being, to bring in consumers, put these consumers into the public and media limelight and enable them to create urban happenings and limelight places with the financial support of a marketing budget. Who else could develop the best suitable communications for a certain group of people other than these people themselves?

BUT! Democratic casting of candidates depending on personality and qualification? NO! Democratic casting basing on equality of gender and race? ARE YOU MAD? Freedom of thought and speech in the process of dialogue with the brand and when encountering media and press representatives? FORGET IT! Consumer generated contents? GIVE OUR LEGAL DEPARTMENT A FORTNIGHT TO VERIFY! Blogging? ARE YOU MAD! HOW DO WE KNOW, WHAT WILL BE SAID ABOUT US??? AND WHAT IF SOMEBODY UPLOADS ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE A DICK OR A FANNY???

So what eventually unfolded was an entire scam, an insult to the strategy itself and a humiliation of the potential consumers. Because, once having lured some of the targets into their den, NoDis and its associates unmasked themselves, their attitudes and intentions and what the public and the media witnessed was pure anachronistic marketing evil or in other words: a brand plus communications the world simply didn’t need! And, what you don’t need, you ignore.

You would expect a brand to be willing to accept democratic campaign structures as part and parcel of consumer involvement strategies (how else can you turn monologues into dialogues???). But, not NoDis! Comply, or die!

When you are striving for buzz and gossip, as a brand you have to let go, allow, tolerate and endure. You can’t buy buzz! True buzz is dynamic and flourishes on the unexpected.

But, NoDis seemed to think, if these target group members are on their pay role, shouldn’t they automatically be speaking favorably about the brand? You bet that journalists got weary when asking to speak to the involved campaigners and observing brand representatives bustling in the background handing out scripts of what was allowed and supposed to be said to the media. How stupid did they think journalists are? I mean, it is their job to discover relevant stories and to unmask scams. Hail to journalism!

It’s no longer a secret that successful buzz communication is about fun, respect and empathy between brands and the people. Yet, how sympathetic will a human being find a corporate brand that thrusts it in front of the cameras with the cold metal of a pistol against its temple? We involuntarily witnessed scenes, that reminded us more of a politically motivated kidnapping than a sympathetic marketing campaign. Won’t these effected persons do the deed (only to save themselves in a desperate, embarrassing situation) but run, duck and cover and eventually spread exactly the opposite opinion? Well, that is what happened to NoDis.

It baffles the observer, that the initiators to this day remain clueless about what went wrong. Why had they not achieved the heights and reach of campaigns based on similar strategies, such as the famous Project Fox or the renowned Ding Dong!?

Quite simple, because all along an inferior brand was assuming it knew better than its advisors, disempowering the specialists and most dramatically framing the individuals involved and forcing them to sell a spoof to the media, that just wouldn’t buy it.

Quite frankly, the company we are talking about recognized some signs o’ the times, but failed to understand them, derive conclusions and apply these to the company itself and its anachronistic philosophies and structures, prior to unleashing itself on the people of today.

This is instant karma, baby. You give, you get; you don’t, you won’t, you lie, you die!

So, thank whatever that Georgie-Porgie is out and Obama is in. May the ring of changes reach as far as possible (including Louisville, because otherwise, all we have for you, NoDis, is: YES YOU CAN’T).

And the aggressor returns to his homelands, mission unaccomplished. Good riddance for bad nothing.

Yours

Brian B. Ashes